Just when you think they are glad to be rid of you...

My daughter called tonight. She's only been gone since about the same time last night (8ish) and I could hear in her voice the unshed tears and unhappiness. I figured last week camp was a huge hit - but time at home with Mom wasn't terribly exciting. It wasn't all bad, we did go on a date to the movies, hit the pool Friday night, visit her cousins on Saturday and attend a family picnic yesterday - but still, most of the time we just hung out doing out own thing.

She was upset, and trying not to cry, she sounded so forlorn, and it's only day 1 of 8. It could be along week. She said she wished it was Wednesday, then changed her mind to Thursday - because then it would be more than halfway through her week with Dad.

I know he is off with her this week - and I would imagine he will spend some time doing some fun stuff with her. He usually scores major points with her for all the fun Dad type stuff he does with her. I don't know exactly what was on her mind. I know she thought they were going to visit his old girlfriend, go for burgers or something. She told me that's not going to happen now - and she sounded disappointed. I just wanted to be able to give her a big hug.

Sometimes it's so hard to know just what to do. I encouraged her to talk to her Dad, and plan a couple of things for the week together.

We will see - I didn't expect to hear from her so soon.

My little monkey...

Love you chicklet
Mom

It's Friday

It is Friday the 13th today. I have to tell you that I'm not feeling too good about it. Not that I am really superstitious or anything - it's just sometimes I'd prefer to have a little bit of luck on my side.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 6:30am after a terrible nights sleep. I had fallen asleep with the lights on, and awoke a few hours later after being stuck in an endless cycle of nightmares. The kind where your teeth fall out and you watch yourself turn into someone who looks like they ought to live on a street corner. The kind where all that you value and cherish in your life disappears before your eyes and you are helpless to do anything about it. I spent a night time and early morning having continuous dreams of this nature.

I woke up with a bad vibe and as the day continued it grew increasingly worse. Today, I have to say - I'm not feeling a whole lot better. But that aside - I have an amusing note to add.... I think I may be the worse kind of mother, the kind that steals candy from a babe.... ok - that may be a bad example (I don't think babies should HAVE candy in the first place!!).

My daughter lost her tooth yesterday morning. I'm not sure she really believes in the tooth fairy anymore as much as she believes in the tooney fairy! Off she went to bed last night, reminding me with every step up to her bedroom - where she had left the tooth - just so I would know.

I said "I dont need to know where your tooth is", to which she replied "Well I thought maybe you did, you know so you, could like tell or show the tooth fairy or something".

In any case - as I routed around in my wallet last night before going to bed, I found my last tooney before payday, and stuck it under the glass on the kitchen table (We don't do pillows and teeth in this house).

This morning - I realized that I have no milk in the house, and that I gave away the change I had budgeted out to buy my morning tea on the way to the office. I heard her counting her spoils this morning, and asked her how much money she had now.

"I have $13.60" she said proudly....

hmmmmm

"Do you think you could loan dear old Mom a dollar so that I can buy my tea this morning..."

"Sure - no problem Mom" she said with a smug look on her face. I knew what she was thinking - HAH - Mom needs money from me!

How BAD is that!!! I know I should probably feel guilty - but I don't. Mostly cause I know how others around me will suffer if it's not for my daily ingestion of tea!

Well the week is coming to a close, last day of the first week of "Bead Camp" (this is what she calls it), and a Friday before a much needed weekend. We have a big family picnic (aunt's, uncle's and cousin's) on Sunday, and they are calling for rain all day on Saturday - so not sure what kind of weekend it will be. But - any day that doesn't involve getting up early to go to work - is a good day in my books!

If I could wish for one thing - it would be that a particular someone - (you know who you are) would give me a call or drop by and let me know they are doing ok. A lot going on with a dear friend, and let me just say - I've been there and I know how hard things are.

Chat again soon

S.P.

It's all Mr. Roger's fault

I love this article - and agree with so many of the points the writer makes....

MOVING ON
By JEFF ZASLOW

Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why
Young Adults Feel So Entitled
July 5, 2007; Page B5

Don Chance, a finance professor at Louisiana State University, says it dawned on him last spring. The semester was ending, and as usual, students were making a pilgrimage to his office, asking for the extra points needed to lift their grades to A's.

"They felt so entitled," he recalls, "and it just hit me. We can blame Mr. Rogers."
ONLINE TODAY

[Kids]
Forum: Join Jeffrey Zaslow and others in a discussion on parenting styles.

Fred Rogers, the late TV icon, told several generations of children that they were "special" just for being whoever they were. He meant well, and he was a sterling role model in many ways. But what often got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being special comes from working hard and having high expectations for yourself.

Now Mr. Rogers, like Dr. Spock before him, has been targeted for re-evaluation. And he's not the only one. As educators and researchers struggle to define the new parameters of parenting, circa 2007, some are revisiting the language of child ego-boosting. What are the downsides of telling kids they're special? Is it a mistake to have children call us by our first names? When we focus all conversations on our children's lives, are we denying them the insights found when adults talk about adult things?

Some are calling for a recalibration of the mind-sets and catch-phrases that have taken hold in recent decades. Among the expressions now being challenged:

"You're special." On the Yahoo Answers Web site, a discussion thread about Mr. Rogers begins with this posting: "Mr. Rogers spent years telling little creeps that he liked them just the way they were. He should have been telling them there was a lot of room for improvement. ... Nice as he was, and as good as his intentions may have been, he did a disservice."

Signs of narcissism among college students have been rising for 25 years, according to a recent study led by a San Diego State University psychologist. Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can't be blamed for this. But as Prof. Chance sees it, "he's representative of a culture of excessive doting."

Prof. Chance teaches many Asian-born students, and says they accept whatever grade they're given; they see B's and C's as an indication that they must work harder, and that their elders assessed them accurately. They didn't grow up with Mr. Rogers or anyone else telling them they were born special.

By contrast, American students often view lower grades as a reason to "hit you up for an A because they came to class and feel they worked hard," says Prof. Chance. He wishes more parents would offer kids this perspective: "The world owes you nothing. You have to work and compete. If you want to be special, you'll have to prove it."

"They're just children." When kids are rude, self-absorbed or disrespectful, some parents allow or endure it by saying, "Well, they're just children." The phrase is a worthy one when it's applied to a teachable moment, such as telling kids not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. But as an excuse or as justification for unacceptable behavior, "They're just children" is just misguided.
[Mr. Rodgers]

"Call me Cindy." Is it appropriate to place kids on the same level as adults, with all of us calling each other by our first names? On one hand, the familiarity can mark a loving closeness between child and adult. But on the other hand, when a child calls an adult Mr. or Ms., it helps him recognize that status is earned by age and experience. It's also a reminder to respect your elders.

"Tell me about your day." It is crucial to talk to kids about their lives, and that dialogue can enrich the whole family. However, parents also need to discuss their own lives and experiences, says Alvin Rosenfeld, a Manhattan-based child psychiatrist who studies family interactions.

In America today, life often begins with the anointing of "His Majesty, the Fetus," he says. From then on, many parents focus their conversations on their kids. Today's parents "are the best-educated generation ever," says Dr. Rosenfeld. "So why do our kids see us primarily discussing kids' schedules and activities?"

He encourages parents to talk about their passions and interests; about politics, business, world events. "Because everything is child-centered today, we're depriving children of adults," he says. "If they never see us as adults being adults, how will they deal with important matters when it is their world?"