I have forced myself to stand in that doorway - open my eyes - and look really hard at what's inside - and it isn't pretty.
I have two statements to make and they won't make much sense to anyone but a few people closest to me.
- "What happened is not my fault"
- "I am so sorry - to a great many people that I have punished in my life - ever since"
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Coldplay - Fix You lyrics
I have a great deal of writing to do - and a great many things in my life to examine - alone, a great many things to work through and forgive. I am determined to take the frustrations and issues of my past and find a way to not only deal with, but make ammends, and forgive - so that I can move on confident that I am the person I have the ability to be - and to ensure that those that believe in me aren't sorry that they do.
My daughter, my friends, and those who have been more. I am sorry for what I have put you through - and I am sorry that I made you the object of my anger and frustration for things that had nothing to do with you. And for the rest of you - I am sorry I put you on the receiving end of what must have felt like a never-ending bleak view of my relationship life.
I will embrace my friendships - but leave my love life on the back burner (which isn't even turned on) until such time that I can walk on my own with a smile on my face - confident that I am putting my best foot forward - whether it be my right or my left.
Cheers
New Year
New Start
I can do this - I know I can
